We are seeking Love, not Happiness

In a world brimming with distractions, it is no surprise that most of us are seeking something—a feeling, a connection, a sense of purpose. But what if the object of our seeking is misdirected? Many people assume they are searching for happiness, success, or contentment. Yet beneath the surface, especially for those on the cusp of spiritual awakening, the quest is far more elemental: we are looking for love.

This search, however, often turns outward. We seek validation from relationships, social roles, and achievements. As echoed in Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs (1943), love and belongingness are fundamental human motivators. Yet even as we ascend toward self-actualisation, as refined in later transpersonal theories (Daniels, 2005), something seems amiss. Could it be that the love we seek has always been within us?

Far Eastern philosophies have long proposed that the core human pursuit is not love, but happiness born of inner peace. The Bhagavad Gita teaches that fulfillment arises not from external attachments, but from union with the Self (Easwaran, 2007). Zen Buddhism, similarly, posits that awakening is a return—not a discovery—to what already is (Suzuki, 1970).

So why, then, do we persist in seeking love externally?

The answer may lie in what some mystics and transpersonal psychologists refer to as spiritual amnesia (Grof, 2000). Born into form, we forget our formless origin. We forget that we are already expressions of divine love. This veil of forgetting is poetically captured in the analogy of the beggar sitting on a box of gold, unaware of its treasure—or the fish swimming in water, oblivious to its sustaining essence.

Academic voices echo this veiling. Rowan (2005) described the “transpersonal self” as a latent, unremembered dimension within us. Varela et al. (1991), bridging neuroscience and Buddhist thought, spoke of our habitual tendencies to misidentify with fragmented narratives, losing sight of our wholeness.

So how do we remember?

There is no single path. For some, the entry point may be mindfulness or somatic work; for others, dreamwork or contemplative prayer. Just as rivers flow differently to the sea, each soul’s return to inner love is unique. Even within one lifetime, a seeker may outgrow one practice and move to another.

This is where skilled guidance is crucial. A transpersonal psychology coach, attuned to the spiritual and psychological dimensions of the client, can craft a bespoke path of reawakening—adjusting it as the soul evolves.

Love, in its purest form, does not need to be found. It simply needs to be remembered.

Bibliography:

Daniels, Michael. Shadow, Self, Spirit: Essays in Transpersonal Psychology. Exeter: Imprint Academic, 2005.

Easwaran, Eknath, trans. The Bhagavad Gita. Tomales, CA: Nilgiri Press, 2007.

Grof, Stanislav. Psychology of the Future: Lessons from Modern Consciousness Research. Albany: State University of New York Press, 2000.

Maslow, Abraham H. “A Theory of Human Motivation.” Psychological Review 50, no. 4 (1943): 370–396.

Rowan, John. The Transpersonal: Spirituality in Psychotherapy and Counselling. 2nd ed. London: Routledge, 2005.

Suzuki, Shunryu. Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind. New York: Weatherhill, 1970.

Varela, Francisco J., Evan Thompson, and Eleanor Rosch. The Embodied Mind: Cognitive Science and Human Experience. Cambridge, MA: MIT Press, 1991.