"I Will Prevent My Own Growth So That I Will Not Die" - the Self-Sabotage of Staying Small

Self-sabotage is a term that has floated from psychology into everyday conversations, yet its roots are deep and complex. Defined as behaviors or thought patterns that hold us back from achieving our goals, self-sabotage often arises unconsciously (Nelson et al., 2014). In spirituality coaching, we understand self-sabotage as a form of inner resistance—an egoic survival strategy rooted in early conditioning and shadow material (Jung, 1959; Firman & Gila, 2002). While psychology may seek to analyze and resolve the behaviors, spiritual coaching holds a compassionate mirror to the soul’s journey, offering not just resolution but realignment with our divine potential.

Today, I want to speak about a specific flavor of self-sabotage that struck me while traveling on the ferry—a tendency I’ve personally lived with: the compulsion to remain small. For years, I sensed myself making three steps forward, then two steps back. Growth came, but only in rationed portions, and I rarely questioned who was at the reins. It turns out, I was. It had been me all along, enforcing the stall.

I won’t delve into the origins of this pattern—that’s a conversation on my therapist’s couch. Nor will I unpack here the techniques a spiritual coach might use to work with this pattern. If that’s your interest, I invite you to explore a session with me through the channels on my site.

Instead, let us reflect on the nature of the cosmos. Ours is a universe of movement, of waves and vibration, ever-expanding, evolving, maturing. Even contraction, even decay, can be seen as aspects of growth—phases that prepare us for rebirth. To align with this natural law of vibration (think Hermetic Principle or quantum resonance), is to recognize that stalling is unnatural—yet, we humans are gifted with the power to interrupt it. Sometimes, that interruption comes from pain, from fear, from programming.

On that ferry ride, I recognized a well-known local tycoon. Curious, I looked them up on the internet. The online reactions were fascinating—adoration and disdain in equal measure. It made me wonder why we are so triggered by material abundance. And just then, I heard an old voice inside me: “Financial wealth is bad.” The programming was still there. A relic of a community soaked in generational scarcity.

I’ve come to realize that denying our right to expand—spiritually or materially—can be as harmful as those who abuse their abundance. May we all optimally allow ourselves to grow fully. May we optimally become whole, radiant, and yes—abundant. And so it is.

Bibliography:

Firman, J., & Gila, A. (2002). The primal wound: A transpersonal view of trauma, addiction, and growth. SUNY Press.

Jung, C. G. (1959). Aion: Researches into the phenomenology of the self (R. F. C. Hull, Trans.). Princeton University Press.

Nelson, J. K., Finch, D. M., & Ghee, A. C. (2014). Understanding self-sabotage: Theoretical and clinical perspectives. Journal of Psychotherapy Integration, 24(1), 1–13. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0037510